One step forward, 2 steps back. Oh well.

And so the week crawls to an end…  Tonight the final walk through.  This moving endeavor has kept us on a roller coaster since day one, with this week of crazy just that extra dig we didn’t need.

And the Blue Moon! Tomorrow – the 2nd full moon of the month.  No doubt the neighbour will have an especially crazed night.  Not my problem.

The last move of stuff to the new house from the old did something to the front tire and now we have a dead truck in the new-house driveway.  One more visit to the house with keys and Husband will have to tighten the cold-handle on the shower.  Then we will make our goodbyes.

Our Tall Skinny House in the city.  So many hard, hard years.  I said to Husband the other day, that it was tragic that none of us feel sad leaving.  It’s not the fault of the house, though.  Just the evil that buffets the walls at a steady stream.

I feel as though the next 6 months I will be coming down slowly.  No more fear.  No more Adrenalin rushes when I hear his mumbles or see his face.  Not until I drop those keys will I feel free.

And sobriety went to hell in a hand basket this week.  There has been wine-drinking on the deck.

Time to try, try again.


Cleaning up the garden

We’ve been working non-stop to empty our Springer home over the last week.  We have completely emptied the house from attic to basement.

So yesterday we go to do some more work in the yard and garage and we discover that nearly anything not tied down has been stolen.  We did discover that our barbecue propane tanks had disappeared between Saturday and Sunday, but we thought it was a random thing.

But my small garden bench and pots, hand tools, recycle bins, random planters, a metal bucket, a cat candle and some rocks, all missing.  Stunned, I turned around and saw my property, neatly piled in the neighbours’ yard.  I could see through the slits in the fence.

I was in shock.  I knew they were evil.  I knew it.  But I always felt safe in the garden.

We called the police.  And I cleaned the house.  Shaking.  And then I called and cancelled the police.  Because I’m afraid of what he’d do to my house.  My clean, empty house.  It does not close until Friday.

I just turned my back. Because I need the house to be safe from a madman.

For a few more days.

I Will Not Miss You

I wish I could miss you.

I wish I could say it’s sad to leave the neighbourhood, but it’s not.

I wish I could say it’s been lovely living next to you all these years, but it has not.


What is lovely is to take my family and my happiness and my good will and positive attitude – far away.

What is lovely is to know that I will never hear your voice again in the night.  In the darkness.

What is lovely is that I will not feel your eyes follow me from the kitchen window, as you stand and curse.

What is lovely is that your misery and abuse have not permeated our happiness and whilst we leave to continue to live with light and joy – you will be left behind with your meanness, madness.

For you are mean.  And you own an ugliness that far reaches your face.

I am sad that you choose to live in fear of being liked, for why else would you work so hard to be disliked?

And this long, hard chapter will soon be finished.

And the book will close.

Still in the Middle

But edging towards completion.

The move continues.  Too many late nights, too many boxes, too much lifting and carrying.  We moved over our bedroom last night and slept in our new room.  It was quiet. Middle Son had slept there a few nights already and he warned us about the quiet, but until I finally lay in my bed some time after midnight, I finally experienced silence.

In our inner-city house the sounds of Main Street were ever in the background.  Sirens and motorcycles and voices bouncing off the school.  And light from the street always shining in on us, through the stained glass window.

This neighbourhood goes to sleep.

Yesterday morning as we lay in our bed in our old house, the early morning mutterings of our evil neighbour were especially creepy.  He was singing a little song about us leaving, in the dark, in the pre-dawn as he took his dog for a walk.  We both heard, as our fan was off, and we both laughed at the weirdness, knowing that it was the last morning we would hear his mutterings in the dark. It was a bitter-sweet laughter though, as we have come to realize the extent of his abuse, his bullying, the closer we are to escaping it.

One more week to wind down the move.  Tomorrow is appliance day, with many strong backs and a special dolly to help with the stairs.  Youngest Son and Daughter will be moved over as well.

The internet will be hooked up today.

Two de-humidifiers have been purchased, one for old house, one for new.  After the move is finished, the smaller one will go to Eldest Son and Lovely Lu for their new home. We even turned on the air conditioning at the old house to help with air circulation. We haven’t used it in years, but thought it better to give it a good run before the new people move in, in case it stutters when they take possession.

Moving ‘day’ for them is next weekend.

Our cats are all at the new house as well, they have been so upset.  James has been hiding under the sofa for the last week, as the furniture began to vanish and Kiki has been licking the fur off her belly, more than usual.  It was interesting to see how they adjusted to the new space, nervous but we could tell they were relieved to see their ‘stuff’ around.  We had four cats in our room last night, and when we left for work this morning two were on our bed and one in the window.

That is where I am at right now.  Lots still to do, but feeling as though we are on the other side now.

In the Middle of It

It being the move.

The house has the best energy.  As I was wiping out the old cupboards on the weekend, I kept thinking how much I love this house already.  The energy inside is uncluttered.  Even our sons who were moving furniture for us over the weekend in a heat wave were thrilled.

I was living in a war zone of negativity, and freedom is within reach.

Young James-the-cat has been spraying inside due to stress.  I picked up an atomizer to plug into the wall that leaks happy-pheromones into the house to help calm down the cats.  The towers of boxes were fun for awhile, but now many of them have disappeared and the furniture is vanishing as well…  The cats are very confused and concerned.

I smudged the house yesterday with sweet-grass.

I love the smell of sweet-grass.

Two more weeks and we are there for good.

Casting out the Darkness

We get our new home in one week and I am beyond excited.  Really, really excited.  Some things need to be wrapped up still, but all in all we are taking care of business.

This move is the catalyst for great change in my life.  Bills will be paid on time. Clean slate on debt. The light will literally shine in on us because the new house is bright – so bright.  The narrow city house with the shadows in and out will be a thing of the past.

Is it wrong of me to blame everything on the evil neighbour next door?  All I know is that it has taken every ounce of energy over the last nine years to keep it together.  But we faltered.

Moving into the light now.

The community garden has helped.  It has been a place of moist green – full of life.  When we work there, we feel enriched, and we feel healed.

Perhaps the garden saved us.

Playing in the life.

Monday Bliss

What a blissful rainy weekend.  I know it will only add to my tasks this week once the grass dries out…  the lawn at the community garden is desperate to be cut and our tiny yard is filling with green at an alarming rate.  The new owners will wonder what they bought if we don’t tame it a bit.

On Friday we had our home inspection at the new house. [I call it The Cottage in my mind.]  We didn’t hire anyone to do the inspection, but went through with Gino our real estate agent.  He is handy like Husband, so together they examined all the nooks and crannies while I measured the windows and floated about in pure bliss.

I have relationships with buildings, and I knew from the first moment I walked into the little building it was for me.  Good energy.  Happy energy.

The Cottage is all one level, with massive windows which will allow the sunlight to stream in.  It has honey-stained hardwood floors and high ceilings.  It is opposite of our present home, which is tall and skinny with dark brick and stained glass windows.

The Cottage will be my house of whimsy, regaining my lighter side.  When I am in the house I radiate happy. I can feel happiness oozing from me.  My soul has yearned for this safe place for so many years.

I began to pack as well.  And we went to Ikea to price out affordable curtains for the massive living room window – 7 feet width by 6 feet height.  South facing.  I will be able to sun myself in the winter months for my vitamin K.

Had Heather over for supper last night, sans wine, all well.  Sobriety is moving along, day by day.  I am not counting days.  My intention is to move into this new home as a non-drinker. Living sober is very different.  Before, always at the back of my mind was making sure there was something for me to drink at the end of the work day, or that what I had at home was enough.  Now, I have more time in the evenings.  Who would have thought that drinking was time consuming? At home in the evenings I make herbal tea, and now I don’t even bother using my wine glasses, I just use a mug…

We are drinking more soda.  Not pop, but flavoured soda water.  I go easy on it because there is some sugar in some of the flavours, but refreshing after work like a beer was refreshing.

I love how I feel not drinking.  I love the changes I feel taking place in my body and my life.