It grows wearisome to feel things deeply. There is always another anxiety waiting in the wings to replace one resolved. It’s the way I work, but honestly, I am weary of feeling things so acutely. I did a Facebook personality quiz a couple of years ago, I forget what it was called. It was a simple Buzzfeed quiz, and I find them eerily accurate. Anyway, this one said that I lived my life constantly with Impending Doom Looming.
Outwardly I am a glass half-full person, but in the wee hours of the night it’s all about Impending Doom. I think that’s why wine became a habit, it would dull anxiety, but in the middle of the night, Impending Doom is loud and clear. Add in the hot flashes and rolling chills of menopause and it can be a long night sometimes.
When I don’t drink, I sleep beautifully.
Picking a day. Starting over. Probably Monday the 17th. Gives me a week to get into that mental place I need.
On Friday my cell phone was stolen off my desk. Small company, someone walked in the back door when I stepped out for lunch and snatched it. It was a work cell, quite a perk really, and I don’t think it will be replaced.
So comes the question : Will I replace it? If I do, it will be a simple phone with text. I will not bother with the bells and whistles. This addictive personality does not need internet or games on the phone again.
The house moves on slowly. Finally last night we had a rainy evening, so we did a few things inside. Husband put up a shelf, replaced a door knob on Youngest’s door, I washed the kitchen floor – finally.
My dreams last night were anxiety-laden. We had moved into a massive house, with maze-like rooms and bathroom after bathroom of strange tubs and toilets. One enormous pink toilet just spewed water when flushed…
Last night I did go purchase two pair of shoes. Both incredibly comfortable. I walk a lot, and when I was in Montreal in June I did destroy my poor feet walking in shoes with no cushy insoles. I have never had feet so sore, and I learned a lesson that weekend about footwear.
After that weekend I was left with lingering foot pain in my heels, which eventually went away in my left foot, but has taken longer to heal in my right. I bought a pair of Sketchers GoWalk2 shoes and they are so nice and cushy for my heels.
Time to work now…